How To Tell If A Girl On Facebook Is Single and Searching

To help a lot of single guys who are looking for signs to look at when seeking a single girl to pair up with and drive out of the land of Singledom, I decided to make this write up.

I will probably face a lot of flack for this, but I did not create it that way, I am just stating it as is.

When a female is single and searching she typically. (searching being the keyword)

1. Makes posts to blast or spite men. (You would assume she doesn’t want them)

2. She takes “eye candy” like pictures. This is natural. She may not consciously realize that she is showcasing the merchandise.

3. She posts about how blessed it is to be single a lot or shares such pictures. Hashtagging #selflove etc.

Whilst #1 may seem contradictory to #2, they both play the same role.

Let me explain.

When a girl blasts men, the people that give that post energy and attention in the comments are men. – Thereby giving her attention.

When a girl deliberately shows eye candy. The people that come and thirst in the comments are men.- Thereby giving her attention.

She does not consciously do this at all, but it’s evolutionary. To be approached, some form of attention must be driven to her.

Well in #3, she is consoling herself of course but also indirectly telling males that the position is vacant.

You will realize as she streamlines her interest into one dude and stops praising single life on FB, she starts posting less and less pictures and blasting men less and less.

This by the way only applies for girls who are single and searching and not girls who are single and happy.

But even single and happy girls do variations of these.

A girl in a relationship who does most of this as well, is probably still on the market.

Miss Mona Promoting Another Side of Urban Culture

Urban culture is a term thrown around often to define the typically secular life-style in urban communities. The night-life, the parties, music, sexually freed fashion and even the way people hook up. What we forget to talk about is the spiritual-religious side of urban culture.

Monalisa K. Chishato has determined to provide us notes on that through her new Christian blog premised The Cross Lifestyle. The youthful born again Social Worker, writer and voice presenter has been on a path to find a Christian purpose through her inclinations since 2016.

Miss Mona, as some know her is not new to the blogosphere. She was already running http://www.missmona263.wordpress.com even before committing fully to ministry. It has of course been a journey, roadblocks, lay-byes and recess. She previously also penned articles for multi-award winning blog http://www.zimbuzz.co.zw but both of the mentioned blogs were more inclined to non-spiritual subjects, sometimes even opinions that would interfere with the beliefs she now spreads within the new blog.

The new blog http://thecrosslifestyle.wordpresss.com gives daily devotionals and scriptural articles that can help the urbanite find themselves in Christ since most bogs are pretty much about the dark side of the world.

The messaging style is not too complicated to comprehend, she has made it very easy for any level of knowledge seeker to get the word and apply it. For the most part she tends to prefer to deal with one interpretation of scripture per given article. Hopefully it stimulates discussion as other growing believers share the way the understood it.

The advantage of this is that she speaks from the perspective of a person who is not judgmental to “the world”. Having been formerly in touch with the secular arts society, there are likely to be fewer unfair biases, prejudices and fallacious judgements presented in the ministerial work. This should not be confused with sugar coating un-Christain practices of course.

Owning such an initiative is not too say that she has assumed perfection but rather to say she is preferring to have a conversation about how she understood Galatians 5 maybe versus a an article on a what she understood from a sex scene in Movie XYZ.

In other words, what I do to a Zim Hip-hop verse, breaking it down and giving context. She does that with Bible verse, breaking it down to build us up.

In as much as it does not hold her perfect, it holds her greatly responsible for many that will read and  share. It  challenges her to live responsibly, abiding by what she is calling others to partake in, as leadership begins with the self.

I personally have been inspired by most of the pieces she chooses to share and I have seen them improve in writing style and boldness.

I urge you go out and check out this incredible initiative as it grows into something that will touch different lives out.

Whether you think you are no longer a baby Christian to vibe with her level of interpretation or not, share it to those who need that before they get to your level.

 

The link is http://thecrosslifestyle.wordpress.com .

Why Is Cashbid Afraid Of Dropping His Album?

Cashbid is an exceptional rapper no doubt and we have waited for him to give us Lyrical Redesign since 2014. Apart from rap, Cashbid became popular for being one of the biggest critics of fellow artistes work and as a person who holds his own 16’s on the mic-stretch we would say he could speak that with no fear.

However over time people began to question when Lyrical Redesign would emerge. I mean, some people who have received his criticism have had several mixtapes, performances,  albums, videos and so forth. Cashbid’s criticism of them with no catalog out began to look somewhat misplaced and hypocritical.

We were happy this year when he announced that he was now working on Lyrical Redesign and was to contact Fun F and Begotten Sun among others. This would finally defeat the spirit of procrastination.

The rapper however recently said he would be postponing the Lyrical Redesign album  to make way for Sharky’s new project which was dropped on 24 June, 2017. Mind you, Sharky is two albums in and both Sharky albums now available were planned and executed more than 2 years after we saw the artwork for Lyrical Redesign.

We must note that it is possible that not much progress has been done towards that album. Sharky and Cashbid’s styles are far different and I doubt Sharky’ shares the same fans as Cashbid. It is akin to Newscafe not opening because Creamy Inn has occupied a certain location. Even then, in reality most people really have multiple artistes on their playlists, locally or internationationally.

Even he who says Pusha T is his favourite has room for Weezy, Jeezy and Yeezy on the playlist. Not dropping because another artiste has dropped is an acceptable excuse especially from the biggest critic there in Zim Hip-hop.

Cashbid thus faces the curse of critics. The pressure of perfection because he has yearly gone head on with people who actually drop projects even if the projects aren’t perfect. Tehn Diamond whom he had a misunderstanding with on KIRF early in the year has given the industry 3 mixtapes during #SOTG days, a project with Few Kings and A Few Good Poems recently.

Maybe the projects were imperfect, but the crux of the matter is they were completed in their imperfection and accepted in that imperfection. We can go on and talk about Brythreesixty’s numerous videos, mixtapes or R.Peels projects whose quality was shot down as being of questionable quality.

The criticism towards those who have actually come up front to release their imperfect products sets the bar higher for Lyrical Redesign. Thus as the title says he is probably going back to the dojo every now and then to redesign the lyrics. Redesigning when any exceptional artiste drops heat for fear of not living up to the bar he has challenged others to rise up to.

If Sharky continues to drop projects, is he saying he will continue to push dates?

My advice to Cashbid would be to stop searching for that perfection and actually complete a project. My other advice would be that he should choose if he wants to be Charlamagne Tha God or Kanye West. It is hard to be both the felon and the magistrate.

We are not taking more excuses. Tell us the truth, has Lyrical Redesign been recorded. If so  please set a release date and be prepared for the same criticism others face o dropping theirs.

Please follow me on @Mcpotar on twitter or find me on Facebook.

Crying Is An Inborn Strength

Did you know that from an evolutionary perspective. Tears and crying loud were created for social support.

The first thing we do when we are born is cry, thus it is an inborn thing rather than a thing we learn from the world.

A cry alerts other members of a species that their own is in trouble. That way they can rush to defend or protect. Tears reduce the amount of stress hormones in a person.

Yet nowadays people see all aspects of crying as weak. They say it is attention seeking to air your problems.

Yes it is indeed attention seeking, because you should all pay attention when one of your own is in danger lest the danger that has befallen them kills them physically, spiritually or emotionally.

In the modern setting it seems it is actually now more dangerous for one to cry. People make jokes, mock or even insult someone for seeking social support.

However you can choose to be different from common man by actually hearing out whoever you can help.

The one thing that makes action count

Many people do not struggle with taking action. They struggle with taking the next step.
 
See if you’ve been chatting with a girl you like for over four weeks. Meet up,.that is your next step. Without that next step, you will begin to descend back to friend zone.
 
If you are recording music and you have made mileage in that. The next step for you is music videos or.performances, whichever comes first. Maybe monetization.
 
Without taking the next step you only rise to a certain stage then remain stuck on it till you begin to fall off back to where you started.
 
Any effort you put into something increases productivity to a certain optimum value, after which adding effort will not change results.
 
In fact productivity may even begin to reduce.
 
So back to our texting a girl example. Take the next step into dates, into a relationship, into marriage, into raising the family and then into being a wise grandparent.
 
For the artist. Do you think Cassper Nyovest got to where he is by being content with a certain stage of his career? Would he have done “fill up the dome” if he said.
 
“Ah 1000 people for todays show, I made it.”
 
In 2015 Tendekai Tati motivated me when he wrote a post about how we should celebrate and move on. Not getting too stuck in one win to see that there is still a bigger win ahead.
 
I guess people who refuse to move on are those artistes who think they are still relevant ’cause they were hot in 2004 and never again.

Feel free to follow me on twitter @Mcpotar

7 Ways To Keep A Relationship Long Term

Hooking up with someone is typically not much of a problem. Eventually everyone finds their love, but will she or he stay?

Staying hooked is a problem. Relationships always begin on a high note but later they may go cold and people drift apart, new people come along and poof!… It’s over.

I have listed some of the features I think a relationship that stays has.

1. Investment:

People basically are willing to fight for something they have invested in. I am talking about time, effort, resources and compromises. It may be diet changes, change of location etc.

The person who invests the least in a relationship can easily leave when someone more interesting comes along or the other partner gets a little annoying.

From my experience, it will not matter how much you have sacrificed for this person. If they have not invested a lot they have little to lose in leaving.

It’s like a funeral policy. After paying monthly over 6 years for a funeral policy, one cannot just leave because the policy has increased it’s pricing by 5%.

One would just complain and continue.

So if you don’t intend to leave each other, invest in each other mutually. Spiritually, financially and even through acts of service. Investment may be what you compromise or give up mutually.

Do not be in a position where you are only on receiving end or giving end.

2. Communicate

No brainer. Every article on relationships typically emphasizes this one. Without communication you can’t know what your partners needs are. Thus you cannot even invest in the right things that appeal to your partner.

Remember putting effort in something your partner clearly does not need is futile.

Women are good at non verbal communication so at times they will take for granted that the man knows what they need.

So it’s important for men to study and read up on non verbal communication.

On the other hand to avoid misinterpretations sometimes women should just be clear about their needs as well.

General communication above all just keeps a spark of security, pleasure and assurance that something is still up. Imagine if your partner did not text you for over a day when they are clearly online talking to other people. Do you think that relationship would last.

On the the other hand too much communication is no good either. People need to breathe sometimes.

The art of good communication skills lies in knowing when to talk, listen and ignore. It involves knowing how to be clear about what you love and what you hate. How to thank and how to forgive.

3. Define the Vision

Without defining the vision of why you are in this relationship, you will eventually fall out. Inevitably.

If you are just there for the sexual benefits then be clear about it together.

If you are in it for marriage. Define that and make sure you are on the same page.

Do not have an unequally yoked outcome. It always causes problems.

People who use other people usually may pretend to want the same outcomes but time always reveals true intentions.

This is why it is important to “take it slow” and not give someone control over your entire life because they have made you laugh for a month.

4.  Stimulation

On a scientific plane there are hormones associated with falling in love. For instance oxytocin is known as the love hormone.  Oxytocin has been proven to be produced more and more when couples hold hands often or engage in physical touch.

Depending what boundaries you have set in your relationship on physical contact it is important that you at least hold hands.

A study proved that couples that hold hands often disagree  less. Less disagreement means less friction.

On the other hand flirting can also be a mind stimulant, humor and other forms of making each other smile more often than you tress each other.

5. Understand the 5 love Languages

Years ago Gary Chapman wrote a beautiful book on the 5 love languages. People interpret love in the different 5 love languages. Some people value affirmations, some quality time, gifts, acts of service or physical touch.

You have to do research to find out which one your lover prefers.

6. Equal Yoking

When ever we talk of equal yoking what comes to mind is probably the Biblical perspective:

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

Many Christian Pastors notify the youth of unequal yoking, essentially they are saying one will have a hard time if their spirituality with the partner are too far apart or beliefs.

I take it from multiple perspectives.

I believe most problems in a relationship emerge from areas of unequal yoking. Do not get me wrongg, disagreement is good. Differences can be sexy but I am talking about fundamental beliefs such as finance, politics, sex and religion.

If beliefs on those areas are not addressed before hand they will appear somewhere along the line and where there is unequal yoking in any area it means at some point one partner must compromise in order to reach an equilibrium.

If there is no humility in the relationship for both parties to mutually from time to time compromise their fundamental beliefs or succumb to the others those areas will continue to pop up from time to time ttill a breaking point.

As it is theorized that 80% of relationship  conflict arises from 20% of the relationships frustrations.  Your job is to of course find out which 20% those frustrations are and cut them off before they grow into bigger frustrations.

Like I said you will usually find these frustrations around finance, politics, sex and religion.

(This is where mutual investment may come perhaps. Compromising cannot always come from one side.

For instance… if one partner is going to shave his dread-lock because he has compromised his preferences or beliefs over the girls, then what is the girl also willing to also compromise one day for him that she values as much as he did his dread-locks?

Will she also stop clubbing for him, if he hates the idea of his girl clubbing? – Food for thought)

Compromise is a high end investment done to equally yoke people.

7. Respect of Each Other

This sums it all up because when you respect your partner you do not lie to them, cheat them, belittle them or walk over them. You consider their feelings even when it comes to things that involve your individualism.

In other words it may be your legal right as an individual to receive calls at midnight, but imagine a wife or husband receiving too many calls from the opposite sex after hours and saying, “Don’t worry, we are just friends?”

From a legal perspective the partner is indeed allowed to receive calls and so forth, but also from the same legality the partner is allowed to be upset by it.

So respect of each other even comes with those compromises. It may be a bad idea to always be in the company of some of my female friends when the girlfriend s not around to an extent that it raises suspicion to other people.

Thus respect involves a lot of emotional boundaries and it injects a loot of trust. Respect is accountability, “Honey I will be late today.”

It’s me having to tell a certain girl not to just use my profile picture as that  may paint the wrong picture to my partner and me never #WCWing someone else whilst I’m in a serious relationship.

It is all the other 6 points I raised. its compromise, because inas much as you can have your own beliefs or perspectives sometimes your partners need to be heard too. As much as the partner must mutuaally hear you out on another half.

If you enjoy my writing please feel free to give me a shout out on @Mcpotar on instagram, facebook and twitter.

Golden Rules For Having Healthy Relationship With Bae (Part 1 of 3)

A Few Golden Rules To Have A Healthier Relationship With Bae (Part 1 of 3)
 
I’m not an expert on this, but if you must pass the information to someone else, quote me as one. I mean, I wouldn’t mind.
 
Now what are some of the things I have come to realize in my few years of existence? As far as romantic relationships is concerned.
 
1. Mutually accept that you all have imperfections. Do not judge the other parties imperfections as if you have none. Unless of course your imperfection is to be judgmental, in which case… #sigh
 
2. You on the same team, never argue to win. It’s not about winning arguments, swaying them to your side. You may win an argument but lose that special connection, because sometimes winning arguments comes with having to seemingly belittle the other persons mind.
 
3. With that said, respect each others opinions and also accept each others differences. You do not have to agree with everything the other person thinks or force them to your own beliefs.
 
4. Don’t enforce change, influence it. People like it better when they feel that they made their own decisions. Influence allows them to do so. Forced change, almost always backfires.
 
5. Don’t judge your current bae, based on the previous one. Allow them a chance to make their own mistakes and no that you will never find a real person with no mistakes. They may not be the same as of the previous persons but they are mistakes nevertheless. Know that you have mistakes too.
 
6. Never use the words “never” and “always” when accusing the other party e.g {“You never listen to me”} It’s basically the best way to start an argument because the other party will cite evidence of where your accusation is wrong.
 
This is Part 1 of 3.
 

Why I Have Been Sleeping On The Floor

I have been sleeping on the floor since Monday. I assure you, sleeping on the floor is a no-no, the risk backaches and an uncomfortable sleep just makes it not worth it. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to change my posture just so that each side can get a fair share of the pain.

What happened to my bed?

Did I recently fail to pay a debt and lose my bed to a money lender?

Nooo! I have been sleeping on the floor right next to my bed, so that I could achieve some personal goals. Sounds crazy?

It probably sounds crazy because I am crazy about my goals. I need a method to remind myself of my goals and sleeping on the floor right beside my bed is me literary getting out of my comfort zone. There is a lot of psychology at play here.

One!

Each time I wake u-p feeling uncomfortable at 3 am and toss and turn to find my posture. I ask myself why I am doing this and I remember it. I set some goals a week ago and I will not go back to my bed until they are met, simple. If I don’t like waking up on the floor I must get up and do something about those goals.

It’s like a form of self monitoring. Self discipline if you will. The same can apply to someone who wants to study, write a Novel, remember to follow up on job applications, write for a mix-tape and so forth.

Two!

Sometimes the goals we set involve activities whose results may be very distant and not apparent so it’s quite easy to ignore the set goals. However in this case, what I am saying is, if I won’t do take action for the real benefit of the goals I set. I must at least do it to get a comfortable sleep.

For instance you may be saving for a $2000 investment at $200 over 10 months. However since 10 months may seem far, it’s easy to actually end up spending the $200. After-all it’s quite easy to come up with an “urgent” reason why you need it.

When you tie this goal however to an immediate uncomfortable situation, which may not even be sleeping on the floor you will most probably work on it.

E.g if you tell yourself that you will punish yourself by eating 3-chilli’s and walking to work for a week for each time you do not save the $200. You are more likely to start working on the goal initially to avoid the immediate taste of chilli.

As you get used to saving you wont need these controls because you would have adjusted and formed habits.

Three!

I have made my goals measurable so that I know when I am done and be therefore able to get back to my comfort zone which is represented by my bed.

To hold myself accountable to this I have told my friends, family and my girlfriend. I also am accountable to myself and though I have not told you yet what it is I have been working on in this post. I am making more progress than before I started enforcing this upon myself.

All we require as human beings sometimes is self discipline. If you can be self disciplined with no self imposed controls then this format obviously will not work for you.

I urge anyone who wants to follow a similar routine to do so and feel free to let me know if it works for them.

I normally would link you to my social media accounts at this point but the thing is, Facebook and Twitter are also part of the things I have given up for later in order to accomplish a few personal things.

Anyway in case you do read this after I am done with the social media sabbatical follow @Mcpotar on twitter if you can find him.

Why You Should Accept Your Flawed Partner

You have probably lived with your parents , brothers and sisters for a longtime. Biologically setup to love each other and you love them too. Yet you have had fights with them, disagreements, disappointments from them.

You have also done your fair share of disappointing them.

Then you meet someone for a few months and at the first instance of disagreement you feel like letting it all go, because your idea of love is consistent agreement.

Where are you going to find a person you will not have conflicts with or whose habits you are all in love with?

Wake up!

If man were that perfect, your partner would be God and you too would be God. You are both not infallible and your inadequacies are for God to fill. Give God his rightful place in your lives .

It’s actually awesome that your munhu will lack something… be it patience, may they have a temper. Perhaps they do not always dress that well, they are forgetful… Well because it reminds you that God is patient, slow to temper and remembers.

Moreover the more you buffer their mistakes with your strengths, the more valuable you will be to their lives.

Work on improving each other but know that the rest of it will be fulfilled by the creator.

Flaws Test How DeepmYou Mean “I LOVE YOU”

“To whom much given much is tested.”

Time and again in life you get tested on the things you claim to love or stand with. If you falter at the slight sight of resistence then you do not stand for those things.

The test for causes you stand for in life or people you love will never be tested by the positive they do. After-all, don’t all other people appreciate them for the good they reflect?

The real trials come on the flaws and the weaknesses they exhibit. Now not everyone who is initially in it for the good has enough courage and patience to stand for the bad.

Yet that is the only true test of the claim that one supports such and such a cause, is a fan of such and such a figure or loves such and such a person.

Loyalty to the pros and cons of what you claim you’d die for. That’s what “die for” means.

If you have been telling your partner the words. “I love you.” and flee at the sight of their flaws then you’ve really failed at that test.

Remember even people who do not know your partner in depth may love him/her for the very strengths you love about him, but very few of those people will accept that person if they knew the flaws about that character. Thus the test of your commitment is not in your adoration of the strengths it’s your tolerance of the weakness in them.

Much blessings.

If you want to discuss this topic further with me, hit me up on @Mcpotar on twitter.

Of Backsliding Born Again Christians

Once upon a time, I was a 16 year old at Dadaya High School with nothing but good intent, listening to my favourite Jay Z and Eminem singles after study with Navy Seal and my other friends.  We cherished these moments because cellphones and mp3 players were not that out there and in fact, a few priviledged kids with diasporian relatives smuggled little cd players into school.

 

Listening to music with the boys was special at boarding. Friday afternoons, chilling and talking about how much money they had and the cribs they built. We saw this on holidays via MTV Cribs of course.

 

“Wow, I want to be just like them!!!” I said.

 

One of the senior students, who was now in lower six, one of the big hip-hop heads I knew, walked in with a Bible and said, “They got it from the devil.”

 

Yes before the internet was huge in Zimbabwe, the conspiracy theories around Hip-hop and the occult were already in circulation. I am sure by then Craig Lewis must have had his first DVD out. Ex Ministires, the truth about Hip-hop and people felt awakened. It made a lot of sense.

 

So this ex-Hip-hop head, he told us all about it and we were shocked about our stars, literally burnt our Eminem collections and so forth. Well I run a hip-hop blog today so you know how long that lasted.

 

Yes we tried much to quit Hip-hop then later we said, maybe we should do it for God but we still lived those double lives. The glory – we wanted it. The motivation from the preaching’s faded away. I never was a Gospel artiste but I considered it.

 

However I saw many “Christian” Hip-hop artiste backslide slowly. It started with their content getting more and more secular and then they couldn’t lie about it anymore. They went back to their true selves.

 

I think this is why?

 

Confining oneself to “spiritual” talk is the gateway to faking

 

While some would say everything in existence is spiritual, it can become really unrealistic and boring to talk about every situation you meet in terms of the Bible. Even Christians in business know this. There are areas where one needs not be too religious about everything.

 

A soccer match,  having pure unsinful fun or hanging out with fam. A newly born again Christian is obviously always over-excited to share the good news with everyone. However the same inclinations that brought temptation while they were “sinful” will still exist.

 

If the guy always thought Bev was hot before being born again, since his flesh is still the same he will still be inclined to that. The more he tries to act as if he is resistant to other people the more he falls.

 

Eventually one day when no human is looking he will go and watch a Bev, show and feel guilty afterwards, because even though they don’t know. He knows.

 

And since he knows that God knows too, overtime he may continue to err once in a while till he decides, “I don’t have to pretend to these people, this is who I am.”

 

Meanwhile…

 

See the motivation that makes people repent only lasts for 15 minutes. It is euphoric, it makes that new guy at your church come excitedly and do a lot more than all the members of the church. So much the elders will be pleased.

 

Soon, he starts missing prayer meetings and next he no longer comes to church. You bump into the guy holding a Russian beer with a couple of honeys and you cry foul, yet you created an unrealistic environment in the first place.

 

Which unrealistic environment?

We as Christians do not listen to disappear… (lies)

Fungisai is not allowed to do a track with Killa T (lies)

Hollywood is bad … (so why do you subscribe DSTV?)

 

Setting rules you do not comply with. Deciding that normal human inclinations such as acknowledging that Winky D is an awesome artiste is to do with demons puts you in a cage.

You imprison yourselves with lies.

 

Final thoughts

 

Turning to Christianity is  along journey that has to come from conviction. It should not be sped and we should not put new Christians under pressure to be fake in our presence because even we are not perfect.

 

What are your thoughts? follow @Mcpotar on twitter