Confessions Of A Blogging Side Mistress : Along Came The Side Chick by Mimy

ALONG CAME THE SIDE CHICK

CONFESSIONS OF A BLOGGING SIDE MISTRESS

You know us very well. We are the women you look down upon, the ones you badmouth and call ‘loose’, desperate, dirty mistresses, THE SIDE CHICK .Oh yes we have heard you laughing off, scratching on each other when we pass “Haaziriye bhebhi uye akudanana ne mufesi wemunhu?Ha kari desperate wena”But before you judge us, have you ever wondered why we prefer dating your men rather than finding ourselves a companion. Do you wonder why we prefer being the option, the side salad of his full course meal, why we would stoop so low to be treated so differently from the main chick. Why we would want to settle for less than what God price tagged us for? Think no more, as I am about to sell out our deepest secrets. I do not care if the secret society of side chicks will mysteriously make me disappear into thin air like Slice’s fame did but the real reasons why we prefer a taken guy is….

WE FEAR THE ATTACHMENT THAT COMES WITH BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP…

The truth is this world is filled with damaged and hurt people. The disappointments in love and relationships have caused many people to operate with walls up. For some of us apparently what better way to protect oneself than knowingly not being the only woman in the man’s life. We figure being the side chick is safer for the heart and the emotions while still being provided companionship at some level. We want to be loved but not fully. We want the easier things, intimacy without attachment. This is risky business because eventually we tend to fall and develop an unhealthy attachment. Yet we know the dangers of all this but we cling on as dirty mistresses only for the pleasure and not for the love, being the emergency calling number when his main lady isn’t around.

along came the sidechick

WE ALLOW IT…

My mother always said that if you accept less, less you will get. Many of us who are side chicks simply allow to be put in that category. We accept the game as it is even deep down we know we are better than this. Plenty of us are very much aware of the main chick and yet we still choose to go along with the situation. The reality is that many of us are aware and still choose to go along with the situation. The other reality is that many of us will indeed thirst and want the top spot and it’s such a shame many if not all of us wont never get it. Don’t judge us, after all we are human and sharing with us  is indeed caring…

WE DON’T VALUE OURSELVES MORE THAN JUST A MISTRESS…

Psychologically this is anything more than true. Women, more than men experience loss of self worth especially in our adolescence years. Low self esteem can drive us to deal with a lot less than we actually deserve. We might have bought into the lie that we can’t do better than this man. There are guys out there who make it difficult not to want to dive in as a side piece with their charm, chiselled bodies, their willingness to sweep us off our feet but then announce that he is seeing someone else. We appreciate the leftovers rather than embrace that we deserve receiving a full course meal of a man.

WE ARE FREAKS…AND WANT MORE THAN ONE SAUSAGE IN OUR PAN…

We thrive on having sexual ties. They keep us feeling sexually worthy. Wasn’t it always the more, the merrier. Well in our case there is no way we could be stuck with one individual so we lessen ourselves to the diminishing role of a side dish. We are fine with it, so long he calls when my thirst is real. We love our sexual prowess, how we are able to ignite better the flame of desire in him rather than his main chick. We boast to our friends “Well I’m giving him better services. That’s why he keeps texting”. It’s an ego boost to us. We are like a generator to a Zesa power cut: we provide where there is lack…

THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO US THAN JUST OUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

For those women who have been referred to as just a pretty face or the girl with the lump some butt know how it feels to be less a human and more a physical appearance character. Unfortunately many of us are yet to reach their potential. Some of us haven’t evolved as women  and haven’t reached our potential and we simply get on by our looks or other physical attributes. That’s why you find us chilling with your ministers in those places you can’t afford even when you sold your soul to a local wizard or bathed in divine waters that toothless n’anga prescribed for you. For a whole lot of guys, we are the perfect side dish, yummy looking and delicious.

There are two types of us apparently: the coherent side chick who feels more important and at times we depend on how the guy feels. We are rarely lied to and usually the guy is himself when he is around us. Ladies I’m sure you are well acquainted with us. We usually come in the tag name ‘bestie’.Yes you must hate us. We usually know him better than you, almost always. After all murume igumbeze kukatonhora tinobvutirana.The second type is the non coherent. This side chick is pretty much in the same boat as the main chick. They are both clueless of each other’s existence.

If you are reading this dear side chick/mistress and thinking you have met your emancipator please quickly wipe off that stupid smirk on your face. Shame, the joke is on you sisi! I’m just a snake in your green grass. To all my side chicks out there (in spirit) you better start focussing on bettering yourself rather than chasing after these taken guys. Build your self worth, be independent, and strive for queen standards. You are worth more than gold and any guy would be honoured to be your king. If you accept less you will be treated as less your whole life. Even if you go about bragging how expensive the Jimmy Choos he bought for you are, in reality you are just a wipe towel, only for use when there is need. There is more to life; your Prince in shining hembe will definitely drop from ‘god knows where princes drop from’. Never make someone a priority that only makes you an option. Trust me he is not leaving main bae for side nhingi.Ndiwe wadii unofonerwa kana zvaipa? An emergency number in the directory? Mbuya Nehanda definitely didn’t fight the struggle for you to be an emergency calling number. Remember my fellow ladies; a man will never give you the title ‘main’ if your price tag says free! Do not sell your self short.Ever!

The Blacker The Berry by Mimy Huney

Recently I had the chance to experience what was to be my first ‘skin colour’ slur. Having had to exchange emails with a certain guy from Bulawayo for quite sometimes we had become acquainted enough to share our day to day captivating moments through pictures. Being the gentleman he was, he was the first to snap his moments captured at a cricket event. I followed suit capturing my moment in my mother’s kitchen readying myself to make lunch. As I awaited for his juicy reply, I was met with a rather,taintful undesirable email. The gentleman, not so gentle after all had replied…

 

     LOL…..Ohhh always thought you were a yellowbone.BUMMER!

At that moment I don’t know what astounded me the most, his mocking of my ‘thirty minute to prepare selfie,’his many O’s that exceeded the normal lol, or rather his distaste for what seemed to be the skin colour he would have much loved to  associate with. Since that day, we haven’t chatted much but I learnt a lot from him. He presented to me the issue of being light skinned or rather the need to be light skinned as a woman in a new societal era. Believe you me, I do not have fault with already born light skinned people but I raise eyebrows on the way the average dark skinned women have become slaves to skin lightening creams all in the name of beauty and elegance.  The image of black women has been exploited for centuries in the Americas and Western Africa but never had it been grossly perforated in Zimbabwe until this decade. Home grown vendors and informal beauticians not forgetting the media have jumped on the skin lightening train without any consideration. The times have changed drastically. I grew up in an era where everyone black was BLACK but the trending nature of skin lightening loosely translated in ghetto lingo as ‘kubleacher’ has left the ordinary woman scathing off to join the wagon of what is termed ‘ma yellow bone’. If you take a stride further, It’s not hard to notice that we have simply associated beauty with whiteness, being white…Eurocentric, lacking African distinction. Well why else could bleaching creams overcrowd the city centre and the rest of downtown at even the lowest price of just a dollar so openly to young women and girls to vulture on. Interestingly you don’t have to be born light skinned in order to enjoy the benefits that other light skinned women are enjoying; you simply have to purchase yourself beauty creams or take pills that will transform you into a mediocre ghostly bleached Michael Jackson overnight. It’s shocking how we have quickly engrossed the ‘yellow bone’ era in our societies. For some of us who have always  reacted to anything that is not Vaseline in nature, Instagram filters have done much for us to flourish on social networks as almost ‘yellow bone’ .Various hip hop artists have also made it clear that ‘yellow bones’ are trending. I remember hearing one rap track that did much to seclude us dark skinned girls. The rap line went as follows…

 

‘TAKAPENGA…tongotamba nema yellowbone..’

I don’t blame the artist though. He was simply enacting what the western media had already presented to him as normal. Western media are usually vast on using light skinned women for their music videos and even South African and Nigerian artists have joined in on the rope. As engrossing as it is beauty has gone beyond being dark. Beauty according to society now is ‘light unblemished skin, beauty is almost being white.Beauty is not dark skinned..beauty is not ‘stained’. Women have embraced beauty as having a distinct ‘unstained’ yellow colour…’ma yellow bone’. Advertising does not present reality as it is but as it should be. For this reason, advertising is a good site to observe dominant physical characteristics. Nearly almost always African adverts tend to feature women with a lighter skin tone and a slender physique, denouncing the actual depiction of an African woman being plump and dark skinned.

In an unplanned study taken in a beauty salon in city centre Harare (you know how women are open bibles in salons) the skin lightening debate found its way in the room. One of the hairdresser’s was urging the other customers to purchase a Movet skin lightening package. A lady at the back quickly approved of her product and had expressed how Zimbabwean men nowadays preferred yellow soft skinned ladies to any other kind. For this reason she had eluded that skin lightening for those dark skinned was of utmost importance in attracting male companions. I remember a heavily pregnant woman also followed suit explaining how she had decided to enhance her skin tone to prevent her husband from being attracted to much younger looking girls. The phenomenon of skin lightening draws back all to trying as best as we can as women to seek the desire of the males.

Speaking from a sociological perspective, the contemporary society we live in does much discrimination than emancipation for women. People’s judgement about others have literally been coloured by skin tone. Dark skinned people are sociological associated with poverty, witchcraft and, deviant behaviour making it psychologically a skin tone with so much underrating. We have all shared the jeer in salons,mu combi or even in bottle stores of how light skinned women seem to peform way better in bed, how they have a better diva approach to life’ndivo vakadzi manje’ like my local hwindi would put it. From a gender centred point of view the relation between skin tone ,beauty and moral judgement affect women more than men. Women, more than men are judged heavily by the basis of their physical appearance. No wonder why we are quick to alter ourselves, slaving off to the wants and pleasures of our male counterparts.

According to the Media Control Authority of Zimbabwe,,the skin lightening industry although banned continues to operate and more than fifty thousand products are smuggled into the country from Zambia,Angola,Nigeria and further away from India. Whether it remains a case of debate or just a wondering thought pabridge remuraini,skin lightening creams possess a high risk on health which include skin disfigurement, skin cancers and botched skin defects. The skin lightening issue will not end and from the looks of things it is here to stay. It is not like they do not hold any knowledge of the position they decide to take. At the end of the day, every human being is different in their own way and thinking.My finding beauty in being dark skinned and not orange may be abhorrent to some. Like Winky sang back in 2010 ‘gudhu yangu haisi gudhu yako’ therefore I can not merely judge those who find fault in being dark skinned and seek means to enhance their skin tone to a lighter shade. We might not save this generation but we can educate and emancipate the next generation of young women and girls from Eurocentric vampires, out to alter their fresh African beauty and the media delusions portraying light skinned women as far much better beauties than dark skinned women. It is high time as women we find confidence in the way the Creator made us to be, dark or light. Africa must wake up its women before we become followers of every Western trend that is thrown to us..before we become controlled robots, before we lose our African worth.It is high time we stand and maintain our beauty the way God made it and not seek to alter it to seek love from men. Wasn’t it always said that the blacker the berry, the juicier it was supposed to be? Or maybe I’m just a frustrated dark skinned girl venting all her black juice to stain the ‘bleached’ just maybe….