It is my job to come up with profound and funny material for twitter-verse and Facebook. I decide to give you about 25 funny sayings which you may copy and tweet or post onto your Facebook. High IQ or knowledge of popular culture and not so popular culture will help you get these oneliners.
If you get none of these just pretend you get it not to feel left out.
You’re so dumb, that you will pay maintenance for a child who’s older than you.
Your blesser is so old, I bet you’re carbon dating.
Coming along to your friends date should be called “date-crushing”.
Facebook should introduce a panel that says, “people you may wife”.
If the Million Man March taught us anything: “Reach for the millions so if you fail you land on a grand.”
Marriage begins with a “ring in box”. It should never end up a boxing ring.
It seems the Witch in Hansel and Gratel decided to get her building material from Lobels.
Kanye was a college drop out, but his surname is always on compass.
My favourite Queen Vee album is still, “Timeline Photos”.
My laptop doesn’t take a flash less than 8 gigabytes because size matters.
A picture is a thousand words, but your selfie has too many typos.
There is a secret organization which watches political posts on Facebook. – The FB-eye
Paul was a stoner before he joined the church. I wonder how he quit ganja.
Candles are so old fashioned we should start putting solar laps on birthday cakes.
If ZESA were in charge of the sun, night would unexpectedly come, and last longer than expected.
If your hands had ovaries, you’d have kids in High School by now.
The people who cut Samson’s hair started a weave company to empower girls.
I always knew there was something fishy about her, till I realized she was a mermaid.
Sharks refused to get into Noah’s ark but they are alive.
The doctor almost lost his job when his superiors heard that he was dating Patience.
I’m so good with words that I once played hangman with Saddam Hussein. I’m sure it’s clear who won.
A burger and a pie had a dispute so I judged them at the food court.
If music and books became free because of digitalization. I await the digital era of food.
Food is good motivation for humans that’s why I always represent data on pie charts.
If you can’t beat them, cheat them.